May 16, 2009
It has been a week since my return form Nyogen Senzaki Memorial Sesshin. On the way back I was already thinking what I will write in my blog abandoned for such a long time. There is so much to share, but not much time to write…
Sesshin was wonderful for me in spite of few “disturbances”, as some may call them. The biggest challenge was walking on painfully icy floor during kinhin. In my room I put a blanket on the floor so it was more bearable. There was no heat in monastery and I did not bring enough warm clothes…
When I arrive for sesshin, first I go to Dharma Hall altar to meet and great all Patriarchs and ancestors. There are photographs and memorial tablets of Sangha members who died on left side of altar, while facing it. Immediately I did notice a new photo and it was Maiku. This was a shock…I went back to office to find out what had happened. Our long time friend who lived in Japan died suddenly in a sleep. We expected him to be in sesshin…
The theme of sesshin was death, in all of its aspects.
Roshi himself was grieving losing three close friends, who died within eleven days of month of April. Lifedeath matter was present in his teishos and even Dharma talks.
For monastery’s residents sesshin was the first time they could be alone and grieve loosing of a friend.
We all take life for granted and assume that we will meet and speak to a person again. But this is not certain and not guaranteed. Each meeting is miracle and precious. Just as the Tea Masters say: Just this one meeting…
Upon arrival to sesshin with two other Polish friends we were greeted by Jisha in the entrance. He immediately told us that there will be “interesting” fifth day of sesshin with some guests arriving. We should be prepared for some noise and possibly talking… The guests were coming from Japan to offer a tea during the ceremony for Nyogen Senzaki. I was not terribly happy to hear this, but decided to enjoy whatever will be…
Guests, of course, did not come on time and all the preparations kitchen did for lunch for extra people were not necessary. When arrived we discovered that there were not only several Tea Masters but about twenty more accompanying guests from USA, who came to enjoy gathering. I am sure they had no clue there was sesshin going on and for them this was a party…
Before the ceremony we sat for one hour long round of zazen in zendo while the guests were preparing, talking, joking and laughing in Dharma Hall. Because zendo is next to Dhama Hall, we did hear everything…
It just happened that one particular koan was in my mind. “Mind is clean and pure, why than forms arise?” As I keep hearing noises and feeling frustrations of other sesshin participants, I keep asking myself: The mind is pure, why than there is this noise, why there is frustration? Needless to say, I had a great time and great zazen in the middle of apparent chaos….
Over the years, in discussions with Dharma friends I keep hearing that koan practice has no relevance to contemporary and everyday life… I could not disagree more… What I realize in koan practice is very related to everyday life, and what I learn from them is very helpful and liberating in real life’s situations.
If one is doing koan training in superficial way, quickly just to finish as soon as possible and get sanction to teach, than koan never becames someone’s blood and flesh. Conceptual understanding will not be helpful in ones life. Recently someone told me that he was doing koan training by phone… Somehow, I was able to control myself not to rebuke loudly this particular friend… This is a total misunderstanding of what true practice is.
It is a bit uncanny that the example of this was manifested to me in the same sesshin. While I was greeting a friend who arrived later I did mention that there will be guests and commented that it may be noisy… The person immediately answered: I have no problem, I like tea ceremony and will enjoy it.
During sesshin however, long after guests left, and finally silence was much appreciated, the same person was complaining during kinhin about guest’s noise to other senior member. This was in toilet room where other sesshin people were present.
Guests just enjoyed their time not knowing they are disturbing us. The complaining person was “senior” sesshin practitioner, who not only broke the rules, but was much disturbed by what she earlier said will not be a problem to her… Who was more disturbing and disturbed?
Dharma reveals itself all the time….
Photograph: courtesy of Zen Studies Society
The memorial ceremony was very moving… Total silence as we watched Tea Grand Master and his son, who also is a Tea Master, preparing two kinds of tea. White and black cups were handed to Eido Roshi who placed it on the altar prepared with other offerings for Nyogen Senzaki.
While I watched every movement of Grant Master who was preparing tea, I thought he is very tough and serious person. I was very surprised how warm and even emotional he was, when he gave a short talk about tradition of Tea.
After ceremony tea masters served us tea in beautiful cups and traditional Japanese sweet, bean paste covered with leaves.
A few hours later profound silence of sesshin returned.
Nyogen Senzaki!
Thank you for wonderful sesshin!