May 24, 2010
I was not very excited about going to May sesshin. Month of April was without orders and I did not earn enough to pay the bills, no money for bus fare. Writing to several friends did help and only few days before sesshin a few orders with checks arrived. I was working much too much the week before sesshin to finish some projects so I could deposit checks. A day before leaving I was totally exhausted, but sometimes one has the best sesshin coming in such condition…
Dai Bosatsu Mountain was not very green yet, the threes were just starting tiny leaves… Entering the zendo I was surprised to see so many very senior students. What a change from last sesshin! I was surrounded by people who came to Dai Bosatsu over twenty years ago, and next to me there was an older man who knows Roshi forty years! I was very happy to see some people I really love to see…
Older crowd seems to be coming to sesshin in warmer months expecting less harsh weather. This time though everyone was disappointed. The weather was colder than in April changing from day to day. The coughing in zendo was growing from day to day too… Many people got ill.
I was waiting for the first teisho. Roshi was going to talk about his trip to Japan. I wanted to know how the parents were doing after loosing their son and how this effected the celebration.
We assume a lot and have not much understanding of different cultures. Being in Japan I could see the tremendous cultural gap between the East and West. And of course my teacher is Japanese in his soul still, after so many years of being in the West.
I will not write much about the ceremony. Roshi said there was no a single word mentioned about the tragedy… Essan wife did not participate at all. She did not want to see anyone. The house was rented outside of temple’s grounds and there she was alone. She wanted Eido Roshi to visit her, the wish was passed trough Essan. When Roshi went there was an altar with son’s ashes, flowers, toys and grieving mother was sitting.
She asked, “Can I live?”, “Am I allowed to live?”
Many of us here in the West will have innumerable judgments and interpretations of her reaction. But how many really get the true spirit of her pain? How many are able to answer to her? Are there any words? What is a simple compassionate act to help?
We all were very touched when Roshi read a part of book but Leo Buscaglia: “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf.” This is a book about life and death, for children and adults too, a story about how Freddie and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons and the coming of winter. Roshi plans to translate it into Japanese as a gift for grieving mother.
For many years sesshin in May was at the end of month, starting with Memorial Day weekend. It was called Memorial Day Sesshin. Roshi used to talk a lot about Gempo Yamamoto Roshi. With Anniversary of Nyogen Senzaki death sesshin was moved to the beginning of May and last year Roshi announced that it should be called Nyogen Senzaki Memorial Sesshin. Thus my favor ancestor Gempo Roshi was pushed out of the picture… This year Roshi announced that sesshin should be called Nyogen Senzaki and Gempo Roshi Memorial Sesshin. Fair enough, Roshi! I thought. But still Gempo Roshi’s Memorial Day is June 3.
When we think about Gempo Yamamoto Roshi the first aspect of his being which comes to mind is that he was a man of virtue. He knew how to accumulate virtue and used it in everyday life. He trained his monks in very strict way but lay people practice was different. Eido Roshi talks often about dokusan given to lay people by Gempo Roshi. When lay student came Gempo Roshi would chant Dai Hi Shin Dharani. This was not an ordinary chant. It felt so good sitting in front of Roshi and absorbing the energy of deep compassion while he chanted. When Roshi finished chanting dokusan ended. After dokusan people felt very happy and purified. It was like being in spiritual bath.
His warm being was much felt in human interactions. In Japanese language there are many words to say “thank you.” The most known is arigatou gozaimasu. But in Kyoto area people use different word which sounds much softer and warmer: ookini arigatou. Gempo Roshi used to greet and thank people with the ookini! Great!
What an incredible way to meet other human being than with a soft and warm: Great! All is great! Nothing but Great!
This is true giving.